In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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