batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
