he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
