There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
