she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
