you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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