you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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