it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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