every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize