Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
