If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize