How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
