I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
