the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
