Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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