Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
