I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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