just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Did I show you my penis last night?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
