Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
