Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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