found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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