Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
