I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
