I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
