you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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