So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
