I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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