I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I need to calm my uterus...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
