just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
