Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
