I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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