I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
