And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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