i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
