Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
