i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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