Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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