Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just high enough for therapy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize