she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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