So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize