what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
babies were throwing up all over the place
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
