my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize