I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
