I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
