dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize