dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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