i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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