K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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