I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
