I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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