I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
