I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
