My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
