Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Jerry, you need to find god
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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