just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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