He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
