butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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