He kissed a someone with a penis
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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