still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize