Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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