I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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