ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
