I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize