hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
