I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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