she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
