You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
