What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize