I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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