you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
